It could be a Façade, or it could be the real me.

For a long time and even to this day I feel as if I have at least two different sides of me. There's the side of me that always acts laid-back and just seems like someone who really doesn't care. You'd be around me and just feel as if you can just relax because I won't get angry at anything that happens. Then there's the extremely serious side of me which takes everything seriously and sometimes feels like anything you say is aimed directly at me. These two sides of me are my public and private self, and without both of these personalities I wouldn't be me. I can switch these personalities like a flick of switch easily just changing from great mood to foul. Of course this can be said about anyone, I mean if you were to give a kid a piece of candy you'd make him happy, but if you smacked it out of his hands right when he went to eat it you'd make him foul. So what makes this identity so important to me? Well a large part of it has to do with my past experiences. In the beginning of High School I gained a façade, a mask I used to just get along with anyone, despite the fact that some of the people bullied me back in Middle School, or even just ignored me all together. The "unmasked" version of me could only be seen at home or just when I was gaming with friends I'd never met face to face online. By using this façade or Public-Self I was able to actually make friends with people and although this could have partially been due to the fact that I had hit my growth spurt and my voice had gone from squeaky to deep it still helped. Online however I would speak my mind and act more to the “nonstandard” side of things. I could be open and enjoy talking about my hobby and no-one would berate me for it. When Gloria Anzaldua says that “Wild tongues can’t be tamed, they can only be cut out”, I grasp her meaning quickly because I myself would fake “cutting out my own tongue” with my façade. The reasoning I would never speak about my hobby when using my Public-Self was so I wouldn’t feel hurt by others deconstructing the feelings I had for it. I found the fact the Gloria was so willing to tell you “So, if you want to really hurt me, talk badly about my language” was incredible in the sense that she is tougher then I was because she told you her weakness instead of hiding it. Back then, video games were all I had to learn to get rid of my anti-socialism. My parents would see it as a 14-year-old just hiding in his room playing video games instead of focusing on school work and making friends but in reality I was just trying to talk to people and improve my Private-Self to bring some of it to my Public-Self. Gloria Anzaldua said “I am my language” which to me would be both my Public and Private-Self which eventually after Freshman and Sophomore year of High School  meshed together to create my current public self, but at the same time a new Private Self was created and I ended up creating another different version of me for those that know me personally. I feel like sometimes my main personality is still the façade I had originally started out with but then I start talking about my hobby without even giving a second thought and I know that isn't the case. It truly does scare however sometimes because my Public and Private-Self tend to change too often and it can really hurt those around me when I change completely, as if they've lost the person they used to know.